There is no one in my house tonight. There has been no one here for months. A couple of weeks ago a sweet woman brought me a frying pan. Said I should stop living like a hermit bachelor. I took a picture of myself holding the frying pan. I thought I might print it out and hang it on the stove. I don’t know why. This house is so quiet, my heartbeat is a pin dropping. You can hear it in every room. I collect umbrellas. I collect records. I’ve never owned a record player, or a rainstorm. I have three seashells. They understand. The stereo aches, so clear. Why is there a chalkboard on the bedroom wall? Why the word “strawberry” everywhere? Why the empty birdcage in the living room? And a banjo I can’t play? And a plant with a secret name? Who knows. But the cupboards, in the cupboards there are cups and glasses, cups and glasses, cups and glasses. Each night I take them out. I line them up on the floor. One by one I press them to the walls. I listen for the Lonely. Dear Lonely, you are why I am still here. Because you listen back. This is true: There isn’t a single voice box in heaven. There are only ears.
tandem bicycle - andrea gibson with emily saavedra
Andrea Gibson made a commercial (a short film really) for my new book. It stars Andrea sporting a bad ass jacket and bow tie, my daughter using her best acting skills, my fancy ice cream trike, me trying not to laugh and Tiffany singing the gayest song ever. I think my favorite part is “If I were to bring this book home for a Christmas holiday or something my family wouldn’t say, That book can’t come in, it’s a gay book. You can’t tell by looking at this book that it’s gay. You can’t tell Lauren is gay by looking at her either.” Filmed by Jerre Fine.
AND THEN I WATCH THIS AND I FALL IN LOVE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
SWEATY PALMS SHINY SOULS FOREVER
Prism - Andrea Gibson
This made me cry tonight. And it was so cleansing.
Always keep your heart open.
“Sing me lullabies at dawn when I’ve been up all night painting the wind to remind myself that things are moving.”-Andrea Gibson, “Stay”